because I need more posts: grammy fanny gibberish.

And this year sucks significantly less than last year's noms. In case you haven't heard, this year's big Grammy face off is between Beyonce (10) and Lady Gaga (5).

Record Of The Year

* Halo
Beyoncé
* I Gotta Feeling
The Black Eyed Peas
* Use Somebody
Kings Of Leon
* Poker Face
Lady Gaga
* You Belong With Me
Taylor Swift

Honestly, I love two of these songs and would have no problem if either of them won. One of the songs I secretly like, one of them is just whatever to me, and one of them I abhor based on overexposure. My official endorsement is for "Poker Face", which may or may not win against my other favorite, "Use Somebody", however, my money is on Little Miss Swift. Ugh. This is going to be a category to watch for sure.

Album Of The Year

* I Am... Sasha Fierce
Beyoncé
* The E.N.D.
The Black Eyed Peas
* The Fame
Lady Gaga
* Big Whiskey And The Groogrux King
Dave Matthews Band
* Fearless
Taylor Swift

Oh no y'all, I am faced with a moral dilemma. Obviously, I want either Beyonce or The Ga to win, because I love a pop juggernaut. At the end of the day, I want Lady Gaga to take this category. Of course, nothing I like can ever win (even though with Adele's win as best new artist in 2009 was a pleasant surprise), and my prediction once again falls to Taylor Swift. FML. However, the margins between what I think will win vs. what I want to win are exponentially slimmer this year, and it really is anybody's game. Except for DMB. Who the hell knew they put out an album this year?

Song Of The Year

* Poker Face
Lady Gaga & RedOne, songwriters (Lady Gaga)
* Pretty Wings
Hod David & Musze, songwriters (Maxwell)
* Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)
Thaddis Harrell, Beyoncé Knowles, Terius Nash & Christopher Stewart, songwriters (Beyoncé)
* Use Somebody
Caleb Followill, Jared Followill, Matthew Followill & Nathan Followill, songwriters (Kings Of Leon)
* You Belong With Me
Liz Rose & Taylor Swift, songwriters (Taylor Swift)

So apparently the name of the game is nominate, rinse, repeat. Finally there is some overlap in my Venn Diagram as I think that it's going to be Beyonce FTW. I am more than okay with this. I direct the immortal words of RuPaul to Miss B: you better WORK.

Best New Artist

* Zac Brown Band
* Keri Hilson
* MGMT
* Silversun Pickups
* The Ting Tings

I have to keep in mind that newness is relative as The Recording Academy defines a "new artist" as follows: "a new artist who releases, during the Eligibility Year, the first recording which establishes the public identity of that artist." Unfortunately, The Recording Academy fails to go on to define public identity. That being said, my official endorsement goes to MGMT. I can actually see them winning and its probable that they will. I have nothing but love or benign indifference toward the other four bands, and besides, Silversun Pickups has been around forfuckingeverrrrr. Sorry, my inner teenage blogger got the best of me there. But the statement still stands. The Ting Tings just won't win. ZBB maybe, but only because we all love a beard.

That's just for the general categories. Pop is a whole other ballgame.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

* Hometown Glory
Adele
* Halo
Beyoncé
* Hot N Cold
Katy Perry
* Sober
Pink
* You Belong With Me
Taylor Swift

I have no love feelings for any of these songs even if I love the music of some of these artists as a general rule. Never heard "Hometown Glory", never loved "Halo", Katy Perry is a Robot and should be destroyed, I liked the video for "Sober" better than the actual song (mad props to Jonas Akerlund), and dear god, if I never hear another Taylor Swift song ever again, it will be too soon. I'll endorse Adele, but this seems to be a good year for robots.

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance

* This Time
John Legend
* Love You
Maxwell
* Make It Mine
Jason Mraz
* If You Don't Know Me By Now
Seal
* All About The Love Again
Stevie Wonder

I haven't heard any of these songs, and was only aware of two of the albums. Maybe three. I feel like somebody may have mentioned a new Maxwell CD. I endorse Legend, because my ears have a monster crush on him and his voice. Mraz will probably win. They fucking love him over at The Recording Academy. I won't be mad about it though.

Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals

* I Gotta Feeling
The Black Eyed Peas
* We Weren't Born To Follow
Bon Jovi
* Never Say Never
The Fray
* Sara Smile
Daryl Hall & John Oates
* Kids
MGMT

MGMT! MGMT! Or Hall and Oates. They seem to be enjoying a resurgence of people being interested in them artistically. I will shank a baby if Bon Jovi wins and emphatically sigh if BEP or The Fray wins. I am gearing up to emphatically sigh at The Black Eyed Peas.

Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals

* Sea Of Heartbreak
Rosanne Cash & Bruce Springsteen
* Love Sex Magic
Ciara & Justin Timberlake
* Lucky
Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat
* Baby, It's Cold Outside
Willie Nelson & Norah Jones
* Breathe
Taylor Swift & Colbie Caillat

My, my, my, Ms. Caillat has been a busy bee. I would love to see "Baby, It's Cold Outside" win (mostly because of the perpetual winter weather watch Kalamazoo seems to be under), and "Lucky" is a slice of fluffy love. My money's on the perennial favorites Jones and Nelson. Sorry, Ciara.

Two of the pop categories I'm omitting due to the fact that they're instrumental. And finally...

Best Pop Vocal Album

* The E.N.D.
The Black Eyed Peas
* Breakthrough
Colbie Caillat
* All I Ever Wanted
Kelly Clarkson
* The Fray
The Fray
* Funhouse
Pink

Funhouse was actually pretty sweet. That's who i want to win, but it will be a cold day in hell if anything other than BEP takes this category. Juggernauts be damned! At least, just this once.

That's all. I promise I'll stop saying Juggernaut now.

the first summer jam installment.

1. "I Got You Dancing" - Lady Sovereign
2. " D.A.N.C.E." - Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.
3. "Cappuccino" - The Knux
4. "Day N Nite" - Kid Cudi
5. "Sex On Fire" - Kings of Leon
6. "If I Ever Feel Better" - Phoenix
7. "Come On and Get It (Up in Dem Guts)" - Zach Galifinakis f/ Fiona Apple
8. "Bitches Ain't Shit" - Ben Folds
9. "American Boy" - Estelle
10. "D.A.N.C.E." - Justice
11. "Fame < Infamy" - Fall Out Boy
12. "Why Must You Always Dress in Black" - Ben harper and Relentless 7
13. "Show Me Love" - Robyn
14. "Bang on A Milli" - Team 9
15. "Summer Never Ends"- Har Mar Superstar and Northern State
16. "If U Seek Amy" - Britney Spears

I lied (smarty pants)

Real humans listen to popular music.

hear me out.

Well, let me rephrase. True humans enjoy top 40/pop and abolish their guilt about their feelings.* Enjoying top 40 is one of the most animalistic urges one can indulge in. There's no thought, no analysis, you love what you love because you love it. You dance if you are so inclined. By and large, the people who criticize top 40 as "mindless" tend to care more about the tangible aspects of music, and if the feeling happens, it happens. These people do not know the joy that takes place when you dance in public. They probably also listen to cats having sex playing over car crashes on vinyl. They want to be intellectually stimulated at all times, and the more I think about it (oh the irony), the more of a drag it becomes. Some of the best things in life don't require thinking and actually start sucking when you analyze them. Thinking about them later is fine, but thinking in the moment fucks things up sometimes. A lot of times. I'm guilty of it just as much as the next person, and there are times when thinking in the moment has saved my ass. By no means am I advocating not thinking, but I feel that if we told our brains to cut that shit out every once in awhile, we would sleep better whenever we want to sleep.

Now there are those exceptions within the realm of independent music, subgenres like the now passe electroclash or even nerdcore hip hop. People and robots are realeasing things that defy genres and convince the most intellectual of music listeners to shake a tailfeather or two. Best of both worlds, and I love it. Like in "Paper Planes" by M.I.A., when she goes "I got more records than the KGB", it makes me think while getting my grind on.

But at the same time, consider "Hands in the Ayer" by Flo Rida, where it doesn't take a degree to understand what the song is about or how Mr. Rida and Will. I . Am feel: "Oh hot damn, this my jam, keep it partyin' til the a.m. ya'll don't understand, makes me throw my hands in the ayer a-a-ayer" It looks a lot stupider than it feels, I promise. Chuck Klosterman, who is one of my great literary heroes, said the following about sex, but the same could apply to pop music: "What part of sex is ‘intellectual'? Certainly none of the good parts" (Klosterman, 83)

I'm not saying there is no fun in intellectual pursuits. In fact, some of the best memories I have of college involve being drunk and discussing Vonnegut's redundancies. I'm just saying getting "retarded" isn't as bad as the intellegensia would have us believe.

Represent.

*my hero's take on the topic of "guilty pleasures"

ignoring the glaring lack of Saul Williams...

Where did the year go? It's already Grammy nom time. I'm not sure what the board is thinking with their picks. Note to all: Lil Wayne is not as hot as you think he is. Yeah, I said it. Warning: only more elitist spewings from here.

RECORD OF THE YEAR

Adele - "Chasing Pavements"
Coldplay - "Viva La Vida"
Leona Lewis - "Bleeding Love"
M.I.A. - "Paper Planes" ("I played the cash register on that song" -John Mayer.)
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - "Please Read The Letter"

what I want to win: It's hard to say, Adele is growing on me with every passing day. But MIA and Leona Lewis have been consistent faves of mine all year. I'll say Leona, just because I have been on a full blown diva kick.

Pick to actually win: Fucking Coldplay. They are in the top ten on the list of bands I utterly loathe. I can count on half of one hand the number of Coldplay songs that don't make my ears bleed. "Viva La Vida" is not one of them. Well...the violins are pretty. But its really hard to make violins sound like shit

SONG OF THE YEAR
Estelle Feat. Kanye West - "American Boy"
Adele - "Chasing Pavements"
Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours"
Sara Bareilles - "Love Song"
Coldplay - "Viva La Vida"

what I want to win: This is another tough category. Four out of the five I've tolerated, and three of the five I currently enjoy. I'd like Kanye to win, and he is my official pick, but I would be only slightly less okay if Adele won.

pick to actually win: I see either Coldplay or Sara taking this one, but my money's on the girl. What started out as a nice, catchy, bouncy song has snowballed into a pop radio juggernaut that if I hear one more fucking time, I will be dropkicking infants like it's going out of style. That song was huge this year.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Coldplay - Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends
Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III
Ne-Yo - Year Of The Gentleman
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - Raising Sand
Radiohead - In Rainbows

what I want to win: SWEET MARY MOSES, what a clusterfuck of feces. I never was the biggest Radiohead fan (I feel like they're only nominated out of respect to the new music business model they pioneered), and we all know my feelings on the 'play. Alison Krauss has not really been on my radar this year (like she ever is), and the Lil Wayne hype machine has reached critical mass (you know it has when he's even got the pundits at NPR talking). I really can't stand him when he is rapping on his own tracks. Guesting, he's not so bad. But a whole album's worth? Shiiiiiiiiiiit. Which leaves Ne-Yo. He's not bad, I guess, but this album's pretty mediocre. Long story short (too late!), as long as it's not Coldplay or Weezy, I don't care.

What will actually win: Radiohead. Or Lil Wayne. The jury's still out.

BEST NEW ARTIST
Adele
Duffy
The Jonas Brothers
Lady Antebellum
Jazmine Sullivan

what I want to win: Adele. Out of everyone up there,she's the most in line with my tastes. Duffy's a close second, but only because she's like Adele, but skinny. Yeah, I said it.

what will actually win: I think Adele might actually take this one (*gasp!* I actually am rooting for a frontrunner!). I am actually surprised that this is the only place I've seen the Jo Bros. If they win, I'm throwing shoes at the TV. As for Lady Antebellum, I feel like the people who choose the nominees always pick someone nobody's heard of. Just for the sake of randomess and to maintain indie cred. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Grammys and cred. Jazmine Sullivan is okay, I guess. Pretty generic as far as sound goes and kind of forgettable."Bust Your Windows" is kind of my jam, it reminds me of "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood but taken to the hip hop/R&B spectrum.

we are out of the majors: next post, categories by genre.

Jesus Leaks.

So Obama won, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to write about it. Yeah yeah America, yeah yeah fuck yeah yeah. I am going to write about another black man repping the IL, and more specifically the 312.

Yeah yeah Kanye West.

His new CD, or more properly, album, entitled 808s and Heartbreak has more than sufficiently leaked the obligatory one or two tracks to start the buzz mill a runnin'. Every time I check Stereogum, there's another damn post entitled "New Kanye West - Emo Shit and Auto Tune"

How many singles can he leak? I mean, there's "Love Lockdown" which is the real single, but then there's "Robocop", "Coldest Winter", and "Heartless". Okay, so that's only 4 but that's a lot for an album that is nowhere released yet.

just saying.

so sometimes I spend a year in my own little world. I still love you.

I recently added a lot of shit to my iTunes library.

I give you, thoughts on my recently added music, greatest hits edition:

#41: "Shake It" - Metro Station: All the kids love it, and for some reason, I do too. Mostly it has to do with not calling shotgun fast enough and making them rue the day they ever put baby in the backseat. I like to dance to it, its a good time, I promise.

#37: "Womanizer" - Britney Spears: We all know about that. Drinking game I invented: drink every time she says "womanizer". Have the hospital on standby. Fo sho. It breaks the commandment of "Thou Shalt Not make repetitive, generic music", but hell, it's Britney, bitch.

# 36:"Love Lockdown" - Fall Out Boy: Don't make me say it again. Covers are my kryptonite.

#30 : "Mariella" - Kate Nash: I love it. If Regina Spektor and Lily Allen had a baby and left it in the Chunnel, you'd get her. Love, Love, Love Love her. With a capital L. The song is fucking adorable.

# 11: "Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet" - Fall Out Boy: yes, you read that right. That title is every bit as terrible to say as it is to read. I DON'T GET IT. Fall Out Boy goes new wave, and I was okay with it. I feel like the older they get both as people and as a product they want to push people away to see who the real fans are. It started with "Dead on Arrival" (no I am not including FOB's Evening Out With Your Girl, because I am lazy) then went to "7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)" only to go to "The Carpal Tunnel of Love" ,(ignore the formatting) which brings us to this abomination. The song's not half bad, but the title totally takes it to a place I don't wanna go to. (Apparently, its a baseball reference. I think that just made it worse.) Did I mention that the CD is called Folie à Deux? Pop-punkers know French? Oh sweet jesus.

#10 : "What A Catch, Donnie" - Fall Out Boy: Single #3 from the new CD. THE FIRST SINGLE HIT RADIO A MONTH AND A HALF AGO. If they want to release forty-eleven singles from the CD, that's fine, they won't be the first or last to do so. This one's a thinker (listener? see the wikipedia article). I didn't hear them or first listen, so I am trying again. Who doesn't love a slow jam? Oh, Elvis Costello.

#9: Birthday Girl" - The Roots (f/Patrick Stump): Well, if this whole band thing doesn't pan out, Patty's always got a career as a backup singer. Apparently, the CD Rising Down was released in April with the song, but was later removed. Good call, I can't handle radio friendly Roots. "Girl its your birthday," he sings. A nation weeps.

there are more, like Maximo Park covering J. Timberlake, and Cobra Starship singing about how they kissed a boy. You'll recall a few years ago, they weren't our hollaback boy either.

also, I am thinking about resurrecting the video hangover feature. Since Stereogum's pretty much abandoned it, that means it's mine, right? There are a shit ton of new vids out.

I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.

You can be my black Kate Moss Tonight

It's been awhile. Nothing says sorry, like CD REVIEWS!!! YAYYYYY

Well I gotta keep occupied SOMEHOW until the new Saul Williams comes out and the new episode of the Tila Tequila show airs.

Review of the new Cobra Starship CD. Enjoy.

1. "The City is at War": It's pretty solid as far as track ones go. I like the almost anthemic chanty handclaps. It's catchy as shit and dancable, so I really have nothing further to complain about. Well, upon further investigation, it's about being loaded and good-looking and scene but fuck it, if it gets the kids to dance, it gets the kids to dance. Lyric: Come on!/ Stick around and see how it ends/ Get the money and run/ And meet me at the parking lot/ Bang bang! Shoot 'em up, yeah

2. "Guilty Pleasure": The album's lead single and thesis statement all rolled into one. More dancing, more moments for shouty fist pumps.If track one is infectious, then this song is DEADLY. More songs about fame and dancing. If you know either of my most commonly used email adresses, you know I'm a sucker for shit like that. There are a lot of keys on this track and the album in general. I am not mad at that. Lyric that IS the thesis statement of the whole album: And I came here to make you dance tonight/ I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you

3. "One Day, Robots Will Cry": Not a big fan of this song. Its a bit of a mellower, slowish jam. Blah. Lyric: I know I'm like a machine,/ But I still have dreams.

4. "Kiss My Sass": After a so-so track, they pick up the pace picante with probably my second favorite track on the whole damn CD. It's pretty downtempo, but there's plenty of blippy keyboard bits and a cameo from Travis from Gym Class Heroes. It's got the kind of beat that lends itself to gyrating. Lyric: They say that kiddie's got soul./ I'm everywhere that you go./ And I've been there, seen that, and I am taking you home.

5. "Damn You Look Good and I'm Drunk (Scandalous)": Now this is my favorite track. There's spelling, chanting, and a spot where everything but the beat drops out to lend itself to some kick-ass handclaps. I love the title, and I love the song and that almost never happens. Ususally when songs have great titles, the song sucks (I'm working on a theory.). But yay for this one. Lyric: you're the kinda girl I'd take home to mom,/ if my momma was dead./ No good,/ You're up to no good,/ But damn you look good and I'm drunk./ Now you got me kinda thinking like maybe I would./ So hard to be good,/ It's so hard to be good.

6. "The World Has its Shine (But I Would Drop it on a Dime)": Another synthtastic slow jam. Well, I guess you gotta give the couples a song, and the kids that have been dancing all night need some water. Lyric: Not long ago (not long ago)/ I gave up hope, (I gave up hope)/ But you came along (you came along)/
You gave me something I could hold on to./ Woah-oh./ And I want you./ More than you could ever know.

7. "Smile For The Paparazzi": Or as I like to call it: "Gabe likes to let us get a taste of his latin flavor". This happens once an album or so. Well this is only their second album, but still...(See also "The Ballad of Big Poppa and Diamond Girl" from When the City Sleeps, We Rule the Streets) The song is sexy sounding, but upon reading the lyrics, I'm pretty sure the song is about a dog. Well, maybe Courtney Love. Evidence: Party queens:/ If you wanna be seen,/ take a shit where you sleep,/ and smile real wide for the pa-pa-pa-pa-parazzi everywhere

8. "Angie": Suprisingly NOT a Rolling Stones cover. It's cool, synthastic, etc. Kinda filler-y. Lyric: Say no more, say no more./ Angie please don't tell me no./ And I ain't mad

9. "Prostitution is the World's Oldest Profession (And I Dear Madame, Am A Professional)": The title's fun and so is the song. I like it well enough.And I believe there aren't enough songs out there about man-hos. Someone should start a union. or something. lyric: Go on, believe, if it turns you on./ Take what you need 'til your body's numb./ Prostitution is revolution.

10. "My Moves Are White (White Hot, That Is)": Songs about random pickups at the club. Yay! I'm pretty sure I need to stop liking songs about sex by cocky boys with synthesizers. Just saying. Lyric: I'm the kind of guy that you ain't ever seen before./ If you want to hit the floor, are you ready for more?/ I'm the kind of guy that it ain't easy to forget./ Girl, i'm gonna make you sweat./ Are you ready?/ Are you ready for more?

11. "Pleasure Ryland": Apparently Ryland is the guitarist which gives the song a whole new meaning. The song is okay, but I feel it suffers from that syndrome that a lot of albums suffer from: last track syndrome. You know where it starts off great, really fun, and then gradually you start to lose that energy? yeah. That's what I feel happened here. It's okay Cobra, I still less than three you. Hooker Lyrics: You know I see you walkin' the street,/ You don't look back and you don't miss a beat./ My heart, it breaks when you get on your knees./ Oh, won't you let me take you home?